Most of us have not been told that a long-term, fulfilling intimate relationship is something you create together over time, much like you do a cherished garden.
Even if we do have an idea that we need to work at it after the initial falling in love period..........
..........we are rarely prepared for the depth of commitment that will be demanded from us.
Because of that, so many couples throw in the towel when conflict starts
This is a real pity. Not only do lovers miss out on bringing their initial beautiful dreams and longings to fruition.
Breaking up always causes emotional - and often economic - havoc in people’s lives.
If there are children involved, the pain and complexity is multiplied. Even when we move on to new relationships, believing it will be different this time, we soon discover that the old luggage has come with us. Different suitcases, but we still carry the same baggage. It’s inevitable, but without a context for understanding why this is so, it’s all too easy to loose heart.
We are not saying that it is never right for a couple to end their relationship: just that many give up far too easily and pay a high price for it.
With our work, we want to encourage disheartened partners to trust that, despite the disappointments, the conflicts, the feelings of being stuck or drifting apart, all is far from lost.
Actually, just when you think it is all over, we believe that the real adventure may have only just begun! When we fall in love, most of us don’t intend to set out on a transformational journey. Yet, that is exactly what is being promised when you commit to love.
Real love is a precious and rare commodity. Learning how to let love grow and change as both you and your relationship matures through time is not a soft option. It is a sophisticated skill and applying yourselves to learning it is about the best investment you can make today for yourselves and any current or future children.
Conscious Relationships:
A Foundation for a sustainable Future.
“It’s easy to believe that only special and important people in the world have the power to make any lasting mark on history. We are convinced that this is not the case. Leaving all the responsibility to our political or spiritual leaders is only an echo of expecting our parents or partners to make it all better. It can give us an excuse to blame, but in the final analysis, it simply allows us to sign away responsibility for the coming generations.
Adolescents naturally look to the famous and beautiful for role models, as idealised images in their search for identity. But unless this is backed by the experience of contact with ordinary men and women whom they admire and are excited by, it won’t sustain them in living a rich and purposeful life.
Young people have an urgent hunger for those who are not afraid of life, sex, and relationships. They are affected by us, and how we ‘walk our talk’ in everyday life impacts them; even unspoken messages are passed on to our children and the young people we meet. If we can go beyond the epidemic of separation and resignation in relationships to discover something valuable, then our young people have a chance to feel anchored somewhere.
When couples find a purpose to their struggle, the work they do can be transformative. It may not be too much to propose that if this could happen en masse, humanity might discover a new key, a new solution, which could be as life changing as the information revolution. It is us - the men and women of today - who co-create tomorrows’ world.
The vision we hold, and how we apply our skills, will now determine whether the unresolved issues of countless generations may be redeemed, and whether the excessive passing on of the ‘sins of the fathers’ may be stemmed”.
Excerpt from " Sex, Love and The Dangers of Intimacy: A guide to passionate relationships when the honeymoon is over" - HarperCollins 2002/Lone Arrow Press 2012
Adolescents naturally look to the famous and beautiful for role models, as idealised images in their search for identity. But unless this is backed by the experience of contact with ordinary men and women whom they admire and are excited by, it won’t sustain them in living a rich and purposeful life.
Young people have an urgent hunger for those who are not afraid of life, sex, and relationships. They are affected by us, and how we ‘walk our talk’ in everyday life impacts them; even unspoken messages are passed on to our children and the young people we meet. If we can go beyond the epidemic of separation and resignation in relationships to discover something valuable, then our young people have a chance to feel anchored somewhere.
When couples find a purpose to their struggle, the work they do can be transformative. It may not be too much to propose that if this could happen en masse, humanity might discover a new key, a new solution, which could be as life changing as the information revolution. It is us - the men and women of today - who co-create tomorrows’ world.
The vision we hold, and how we apply our skills, will now determine whether the unresolved issues of countless generations may be redeemed, and whether the excessive passing on of the ‘sins of the fathers’ may be stemmed”.
Excerpt from " Sex, Love and The Dangers of Intimacy: A guide to passionate relationships when the honeymoon is over" - HarperCollins 2002/Lone Arrow Press 2012